Temperament and Me

Betty Liu (劉姃姃) was born on December 11, 1934 to Seifu Ryu (清風) and Tsai Fong as their first daughter. Her paternal grandfather was a man of discipline and frugality. He and his brother saved every penny they earned from the general store they owned and steadily bought up land in and around Tainan. He eventually also owned a farm in the countryside with a weekend house on the hilltop. Both Betty’s parents were medical doctors; her father studied in the US and her mother studied in Japan.

Betty grew up in a large but tight-knit family with 6 siblings, 18 cousins and over 50 second cousins, not to mention the 6 aunties, 2 uncles and 12 second aunties and 17 second uncles from one granduncle alone. Betty had a great love for history, in particular family history. She could recount many events and stories with intimate detail. Her interest went beyond her own family. She also had a lot of stories to tell of my father’s family and even the Yeh’s side of the family.

Betty inherited her mother’s beauty and was hotly sought after as a potential bride. Among the pursuers were many medical doctors and one certain James Yeh who was studying in the US at the time. They exchanged a few letters and nothing came of it. Betty eventually chose my father, Lin Liang Tsang. My father was not only very handsome but had a refined quality and a gentle temperament which Betty found attractive. The fact that he was a son of a prominent landlord in Chiayi would only make the match even more compatible, as we say in Chinese the perfect 門當戶對

My mom’s wedding, honeymoon, and the life she shared with my father reads like a page out of a fairytale. He had the aura of a prince; she had the beauty and elegance of a princess. They built an American style home with a detached garage, and gardens wrapped around the house, including an orchid garden. The house itself had an open center with a fountain. Living in the outskirt of a rural city, they were the first to install the telephone for the neighborhood! And they loved children! After I was born as the third child, my father said, let’s have a fourth one, a boy to play with Joe. As it turned out, I was more like a boy than our youngest sister Annie.

Christian faith, Christian music, and Western culture had a huge influence on Betty. The Liu family was known as early converts to Christianity. This gave them connections to American missionaries and a global orientation towards Western culture. The family is well connected in the churches in Taiwan and founded Christian schools. Betty grew up going to church and loving church music. She studied at the淡水Tamsui Music School and later worked at the American school in Tainan as the piano accompanist and became the choir director at the Presbyterian church she attended.

Shortly after my younger sister was born, my father became frequently ill, once collapsing during his military training. My mother traveled to another city to stay in the hospital to look after him. Despite the care and the devotion she gave to bring my father back to health, he eventually passed away at the age of 39. To this day I cannot imagine the depth of sorrow my mother must have suffered by the trauma. Yet God saw to it that my mother had the strength and tenacity to carry on.

Fortunately, my mother’s parents generously offered to help. My mother would leave her children in their care while she went abroad to America to study. This was perhaps by far the most gut-wrenching decision any mother had to make. But Betty found strength in her faith in God and in her devotion as a mother who wanted to give her children the best possible future.

For the next 10 years, from 1972 to 1982, my mother lived a life like that of a pioneer as a single mom, not by choice but out of necessity. At the age of 38, she was probably the oldest freshman her college ever admitted. She adopted America as her new country, improved her English while learning French as part of her curriculum. Adjusting to American food didn’t come easy. Once during the school break, she took some salad lettuce from the cafeteria, sauté them with soy sauce and ate them with white rice.

The tight-knit Liu family network supported my mother in her immigration journey. Her cousin Sue led the way to the New School for Piano where my mother received her training as a piano teacher. Her sister Clara took care of the older two children while my mother finished her studies. When the visa application delayed the third and fourth children from joining the family in the US, my mother wrote a letter to the then Senator Millicent Fenwick for help.

In California, my mother remained connected to her global family network. She became a grandmother and a great-grandmother and traveled around the world with them. She continued to make frequent visits to Taiwan, where she made a habit of paying respects to her deceased parents, grandparents, grand-aunties, parents of her in-laws, grandparents of in-laws, and practically anyone from the past she valued and respected. This reflects my mother’s deep love for genealogy, legacy, and family history.

After my mother suffered a stroke and passed away unexpectedly a month ago, I went through the mountains of letters and cards she saved over the years. I was blown away by the number of people who thanked her for her generous gifts. The wide range and diverse people in her life were extraordinary. They were not only close relatives, but nearly anyone who came close to her sphere of influence. She gave equal love to both her in-laws' families, the Lins, and the Yehs, as she did to her own Liu family. Her students sent her Valentine Day’s cards and remembered her on Mother’s Day. Right up to her last days, my mom was planning to attend her niece Jane’s daughter’s wedding in Boston. I will always remember Betty, my mother as a woman with great zest for lie and her incredible capacity to give.

After I left for college, an opportunity came for my mother to remarry. As it turned out, ‘Uncle James’ was not only a friend of her family, his sister was a classmate of my mother and we met her and her family in Georgia on our way back from Florida. The timing couldn’t be better, as my mother was just about to become an empty nester. The rest, as they say, is history.

After my mother moved to California to marry my stepfather, Dr. James Yeh, a founding member of the math department at the University of California, Irvine, she continued to teach piano. Through her extensive family network and the Taiwanese community, The Betty Liu Piano Studio quickly enrolled new students. Her reputation grew as her students won competitions in various events in Orange County. Before long, her students included residents in Newport Beach and other parts of Orange County. My mother was dedicated to teaching her students not just to play the piano, but also to develop their musicianship. She taught them music theory, music history, and rhythm. She also became a self-made child psychologist – becoming partners with students’ parents in motivating and developing the students’ potential. Many parents also became lifelong friends.

My memory of my mother in our days in Princeton was one who was hard-working, determined, and sacrificial. When I read the description of the woman of noble character in Proverbs 31, I often think of my mom. She was incredibly resourceful, finding every possible means to make ends meet. My sister would remember the hours when she and Mom packed up Avon cosmetic products to ship back to Taiwan to sell. My mother bought a house not just to put a roof over our heads. She used the house to provide boarding for other immigrating families from Taiwan, and later, she and my older brother Joe and sister Sue put on studs and laid the floors in the lower part of the house to make an apartment to rent out.

Once she told me that a Taiwanese friend got temporary secretarial work at an office but wouldn’t share the tip with my mom. The reason? She respected my mother as a lady and didn’t think she would be willing to do jobs that are beneath her social status. My mother was saddened by her dilemma. I still remember the sound of the sewing machine running late into the night, when my mother bought fabric pattens to make stuffed animals for us, so we could have gifts for Christmas. We ate many packets of instant noodles in the hotel during our trip to Disneyworld in Florida. Like the poor widow Jesus saw at the temple, my mother gave out of the little she had so that her children wouldn’t suffer the shame of not having a father who could have provided more for us.